As expected, I feel more tired now than I did in the hospital. This is normal and a typical part of "coming home." When you're admitted and managing life in the hospital it's sort of like a balloon that fills with helium. The adrenaline kicks in and carries us through the days and nights spent caring for Ethan at the hospital, caring for Eloise at home, managing work, and catching sleep when we can. And then we're discharged and HOORAY! Thank you Jesus. Such relief and thankfulness and getting to sleep in our own beds again.
At the same time, when we are discharged it's like the balloon pops, the adrenaline wanes and the tiredness sets in.
And so, we've rested. We've enjoyed mostly staying at home. (Did I mention sleeping in our own beds?) We even trunk-or-treated a little at the kids' school. And it's been good.
In November, Ethan will officially be in the 6th month to go. This last stretch of treatment feels a lot like running a marathon near the end of the race. Several years ago - before we had the precious two - Pete and I actually ran one, and when we we had maybe 5 miles to go, I remember feeling a jumbled mix of emotions. Disbelief at how far my legs had already carried me, an acute awareness of how tired my body was, and excitement that the finish line was so close. Running the last 5 miles meant continuing to put one foot in front of the other, staying the course, and eventually getting to the finish line.
That's pretty much exactly how I've been feeling lately. I can hardly believe that we've been doing this for over 2.5 years now, we are, of course, tired, the end of treatment feels so close, and yet there are still miles to go before we get there. It's all the feelings, all at the same time.
As the fuzziness from tiredness has started to clear while we've taken the last few days to rest, my mind keeps returning to one of my favorite hymns Come Thou Fount, particularly the second verse:
Here I raise my Ebenezer,
Hither by Thy help I've come,
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
I'm thankful to the Holy Spirit for bringing me back to this hymn and this verse. Because I'm reminded again. Of God's goodness. Of His help. Of all that He's done to sustain us in the last week. Of all that He's done to sustain us over the last 2.5 years.
And you guys, I need to be reminded of these things. Of who God is. Of what He has done. It is balm for my weary soul in the midst of a story that so often I wish could be taken from Ethan and from us. God is faithful. He is good. And He loves us. It is His strength and His grace and His mercy that carries us through.
And so, faithful friends, thank you for your prayers. Our 6 night stay in the hospital was the second longest stay we've had during Ethan's treatment, and his counts were the lowest they have ever been (His ANC was 0 for three days before it started to increase). His oncologist told us that the parainfluenza virus (that Ethan tested positive for) was typical for causing such a drop in counts. Thankfully, after a couple days of slowly increasing, his blood counts really started to go up, leading to our discharge on Thursday, and this weekend things have continued the upward trend. We are grateful.
And, because Ethan's treatment continues even in the midst of recovering from a virus, he resumed his oral chemo on Thursday night (this had been on hold for over two weeks while Ethan was neutropenic). His next IV chemo is scheduled in a week and a half on November 9th. On that day, Ethan will start Cycle 10 (of 12), which means he has a scheduled sedation for intrathecal chemo, IV chemo, and will begin his monthly 5 day steroid pulse.
The marathon continues as we press on; there are still miles to go.
We would appreciate your prayers for continued protection for Ethan and Eloise from any further viruses, safety during Ethan's sedation and chemo next week, and for continued rest for our whole household as we get back into our normal routines of school and work and chemo. We are so very thankful for your prayers!
