birthday girl

Today my sweet girl turned 2 years old! It was a whirlwind day for all of us in a lot of different ways. Since most of my day was spent at the hospital with Ethan, Eloise got to spend her birthday with Daddy for breakfast and with our sweet nanny for most of the day. Thankfully, once we all came home from the hospital and work - we got to enjoy some whirlwind together time enjoying take out, cupcakes and presents!

Some highlights, in pictures:

Birthday Breakfast Daddy Date!

Birthday cupcakes and ice cream after dinner. 

And our annual birthday chair pictures.

And what better way to end the day then with birthday hugs? Oh my.

This girl, my sweet Eloise Joy, is such an absolute delight to my heart. She has such a gusto for life and a smile that makes anyone feel welcomed and loved. She has such a big heart - especially for her big brother, who is most definitely her favorite person to do anything with. Gosh, she is a treasure.

It has been such a joy to see how she's grown - she has a love for everything girly, especially shoes and sunglasses. She has a determined spirit that has driven her to learn how to put her shoes on by herself, learn how to get undressed and accomplish what she puts her mind to, or specifically get us to do what she wants. And what fun to hear how her vocabulary is growing! She asks questions and talks in 4-5 word sentences. Lately she's been telling us the things she likes - "Mommy I like your necklace." "E-han I like your cheese." Precious girl!

Eloise Joy - my beautiful daughter - you are just a beam of sunshine, as your Grandma Sheila says. I am so incredibly blessed to be your mother and I just can't wait to see how God continues to grow you into a beautiful girl, inside and out. You are a blessing to us and we love you so much! Happy 2nd Birthday little lady! :)

interim maintenance

We have thankfully been enjoying lots of time at home this past week! Ethan really started to feel better and have a lot more energy late last week and so we also got a chance to get out a bit more this weekend which was nice. He had lab work done today and results came back showing that his counts are over 1800 now (up from the 200s last week). Great news indeed and not surprising since he has been feeling so good.

So with his counts up his chemo schedule resumes tomorrow and we start the next phase in his treatment called Interim Maintenance. This phase lasts about 56 days and consists of treatment every 10 days or so. Tomorrow (Wednesday) his Day 1 and he will be sedated and have intrathecal chemo along with 2 IV chemos as well. We will also go back to the clinic on Thursday to have another IV chemo as well.

Since tomorrow is also Eloise's birthday (!) it will be a busy day. Please pray for Ethan's treatment - that his sedation would go smoothly and that he will get through chemo okay. And for my girl on her big 2nd birthday! How my heart hurts to not be able to spend the entire day with her - but we are hoping to make it a special day as best we can, starting with a special daddy/daughter breakfast. :) Please pray that we get to really celebrate her tomorrow.

Thank you so much for your continued prayers!

chemo still delayed

Ethan had labs done yesterday and the results came back showing that he is still neutropenic and did not make the 750 goal. His ANC is now in the 200 range - so it is steadily going up which is a good thing, even though he didn't make the goal. His team has put chemo on hold for one more week and we will recheck labs again next Tuesday 5/27, and hopefully at that point he will have recovered. If he makes goal then he will start chemo on Wed 5/28 (also our sweet Eloise's 2nd birthday). 

Please pray that Ethan's counts do continue to increase and recover. He's also been fairly tired and had a poor appetite lately so please pray for strength for him and good rest this week. 

We will see where things are at next week and until then, we are having lots of together time here and are thankful for it.

short ER visit

Okay "short" is relative as any visit we take to the ER always lasts at least 4 hours. I ended up calling Ethan's team on Thursday to just get their opinion on a few of symptoms that he's been having lately. No dramatic symptoms but just some general fatigue, paleness and a few other things that made me want to get their opinion. His team's recommendation was for us to take him to the ER just to rule out any kind of infection.

Pete was out of town on a business trip to California (yes, California!) but we were thankful to have Grandma Sheila here to come with Ethan and I to the hospital to get things checked out. She always has a way of putting a big smile on his face.

Thankfully everything checked out fine and they gave him a couple of IV antibiotics (standard procedure in case there is an infection, they don't want to waste time while they wait on test results). We learned that his blood counts have improved slightly to the mid 100 range, and that his hemoglobin and platelets are in good range so no need for any transfusions. End result - DISCHARGED!

Pete made it back from California later that night as well and yes, we were all thrilled to have him home! :)

Next steps for Ethan are to have labs checked this coming Monday. The goal is for him to be at 750 in order for him to start chemo on Wednesday. If he does start chemo on Wednesday he will have 2 IV chemos, be sedated for intrathecal chemo and then come back to the clinic on Thursday for one more IV chemo. 

I have a few specific prayer requests:

• Per usual - please pray that Ethan's body recovers and continues to make white blood cells to get his counts up. And that he would stay healthy.
• Please pray against anxiety and fear, for all of us. There's a fine balance between facing the reality of all that comes with cancer and chemo and yet not dwelling on fears of the unknown and of the future. If there is anything this whole thing has made clear, it's that I do not know the future and yet God does. My continual prayer is that God would help me hang my hat on that truth.
• Ethan only has 2 weeks left of preschool for the year and I am hoping that he will be able to attend at least once or twice before the last day of school on May 29th. Yes, it seems trivial considering everything but it would be nice for him to get to attend if possible. 

Thank you for continuing to pray for Ethan and our family!

mother's day

We had a fairly low key Mother's Day this year. Whenever we have celebratory days I can't help but think about the difference between last year and this year, and how I never would have imagined this year would be what it's been. Being Mother's Day though, I couldn't help but also reflect on how very thankful I am for the blessing it is to be a mother. Especially a mother to two delightful exuberant and joy-filled children. It is an honor to be their mother, truly!

Some highlights:

How about my precious daughter here? Not exactly thrilled with our early morning "let's take a family photo before we forget" idea. :) 

 

 We enjoyed some ice cream treats later in the day.

"Big eyes/Happy face" picture.

Blessed to spend Mother's Day with my mother too. What a mother she is to me. So thankful for her!

And then a Mother's Day nightcap with my mom and sister. A reminder that my sister and I are related when we both showed up in black t-shirt dresses with bright Noonday jewelry. :)

 Laughter is so good. Happy Mother's Day!

the daily grind

While treading lightly on the "I know I've said this before" waters, I have to say that lately, it's just been hard. I feel like I shouldn't even say something like that because we have so many things to be thankful for. We've gone 8 weeks without a hospital admission. Ethan's been able to go to school a couple of days. My mom is back and has been such a huge blessing with all the ways she has served and helped us. We have a nanny that we absolutely love and has also been a big blessing.

And yet, the last few weeks in particular, I have felt just a sadness that has seemed to lay a weighty blanket on most of the days. In so many ways it makes sense because we are still in this, after all. Our new life has not changed. It's still my precious son being treated for leukemia. It's still the 3 years of of chemotherapy treatment ahead. And then the lifetime of potential late effects to consider.

Ugh. Can you feel it?

Our counselor was able to put words to my sense of heaviness last week when he said that the cushion of adrenaline - so present at the beginning as we catapulted into this whole thing in the blink of an eye - has faded now, leaving more space for my mind to process the reality of what this leukemia means for Ethan both now and in the future. And it's heavy. I wish it would go away, and that I could take it all away from Ethan, and yet am powerless to do so.

We have neared the end of this second phase of Ethan's treatment (Consolidation). Last Wednesday he had the last chemo scheduled for this round and we learned that he was neutropenic with counts in the mid 200 range. He was scheduled to start the next phase (Interim Maintenance) this Wednesday (5/14) and so he had labs checked today with a goal to be at 750. Unfortunately, he is still neutropenic with a count below 100, and so his team has delayed his treatment for one week. The plan is to check his labs again next Monday 5/19 to see if he makes goal and if so, to resume chemotherapy treatment on Wednesday 5/21.

So, the daily grind continues but we get some reprieve this week from treatment to let Ethan's body take more time to recover. Please pray that it does - and that we all stay healthy. Thank you for continuing to keep our family and Ethan in your prayers.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end; 

 they are new every morning;   
 great is your faithfulness.

 Lamentations 3:22-23 

team ethan day highlights

Tuesday May 6th Ethan's preschool had Team Ethan Day. Such a great day filled with lots of RED and support. Thank you City Garden Montessori!

A few highlights:

team ethan day at ethan's school tomorrow!

You guys. We have been so beyond blessed during this season, by so many people in so many places. The prayers and encouragement and messages and care packages and meals and gift cards and funds and just so many things. I know I've said that before, but I will say it again because it is worth repeating. Our family has been so incredibly blessed and we are so very grateful. 

I was having a particularly hard time last week - not for any reason in particular - but just because this is a tough season, and there are just times - sometimes just a moment or other times days or weeks - when things just feel harder and more sad. So anyway, that was me last week, when on Thursday I happened to get a call from Ethan's school letting me know that they wanted to have a school-wide Team Ethan day in support of Ethan and our family. 

Team Ethan Day at Ethan's school, City Garden Montessori, will officially be tomorrow - Tuesday May 6th, where everyone is encouraged to wear red. You can't imagine how blessed and supported and excited we are for such a special and thoughtful day. Even more excited that Ethan will be able to attend school tomorrow too - and so will be able to see all of his friends and teachers wearing RED in support of all that he is going through.

Thank you City Garden Montessori and everyone in support of Ethan. Seriously - THANK YOU!